Why accountability feels completely different for everybody

Two phrases I hear on a regular basis: motivation and accountability.

From purchasers, readers, and individuals who need to get more healthy however can’t appear to make it stick.

Whereas they sound easy, each are literally…difficult.

When somebody says, “I simply want extra accountability,” what that actually means can differ lots.

• Generally it’s about programs and construction.
• Generally it’s about readability on their objectives and the right way to obtain them.
• And generally, it’s about how we personally reply to expectations – each from ourselves and from others.

Why no single “system” matches everybody

For those who’ve ever learn books like Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Energy of Behavior by Charles Duhigg, or Swap by Chip and Dan Heath, you already know there are a variety of frameworks on the market for understanding conduct.

After 15 years of teaching, right here’s what I’ve discovered:

None of those programs are foolproof. None of them totally seize how complicated folks actually are.

However that’s not the purpose. Each is a lens. A brand new vantage level that helps us see our habits and struggles otherwise.

And while you’re caught, generally that’s precisely what you want: a contemporary perspective that provides you a brand new technique to strategy issues.

Enter The 4 Tendencies

A number of years in the past, our complete teaching group learn ​The 4 Tendencies​ by Gretchen Rubin, and it supplied some actually key insights that we’ve baked into our teaching program and the way we take into consideration serving to folks ever since.

The fundamental idea is that this: folks reply to inside and exterior expectations otherwise. By understanding which expectations you thrive with, and that are a battle, you’ll be able to work with your pure tendencies as a substitute of preventing towards them.

The commonest tendency we see is The Obliger.

Obligers are the glue of a group or household. They meet outer expectations (deadlines, commitments, serving to others), however resist inside ones (self-care, private objectives, boundaries).

Sound acquainted?

For those who’ve ever stated:

“I do know what I ought to be doing… however I can’t appear to do it for me,”

…you may be on this group.

One in all our purchasers described it completely:

“Each little bit of power feels consumed by surviving my workday, assembly the wants of my household, serving to with the wants of others… there’s too little self-care and self-prioritization in my life presently.

I do know I deliver the state of affairs upon myself. I’m wired to decide to issues, to be concerned, to need to be wanted and valued and acknowledged. However it comes at a value. The calls for from different folks or issues depart little left for me.”

That’s the Obliger expertise in a nutshell.

And let me be clear, this isn’t about weak spot or lack of willpower.

In actual fact, Obligers get SO MUCH completed.

The issue is that they usually sacrifice their very own objectives to assist others, which might result in well being challenges within the long-run.

How we assist Obligers succeed

At Nerd Health Teaching, we assist Obligers by offering three key helps: exterior accountability, Dial Mode changes, and monitoring wins as they accumulate to strengthen and reward their progress.

Right here’s how one can translate these into your individual apply:

• A coach or exercise buddy you checks in and celebrates wins with you
• A guidelines or ​monitoring system​ that makes your progress seen
• Constructing out a ​Dial Mode​ – i.e. a plan for several types of days so you’ll be able to modify accordingly and keep away from burnout
• Reframing objectives as one thing that advantages others – i.e. “I’m exercising so I’ve extra power for my children.”

As you’ll discover, a number of of these are about externalizing your accountability.

Right here’a one other enjoyable tactic: write a letter out of your future self to your present self thanks for exhibiting up. That is the precise factor that clicked for my consumer Gina. When issues bought hectic, writing that letter made her really feel accountable to her future self (in a great way!). That straightforward shift helped her keep constant by a chaotic month.

The Hidden Hazard: burnout and the “pause button”

Obligers usually tackle an excessive amount of.

They juggle one million competing expectations – deadlines, household, coworkers, neighborhood.

And when all of it will get too heavy, they have an inclination to hit the massive pink pause button on SOME of these.

“I simply can’t cope with all of this proper now. I’ll get again to it later.”

Completely comprehensible. And actually, it’s an act of self-preservation. They CAN’T maintain going at 100 miles per hour.

We regularly see of us on this state of affairs attempt to minimize out all of those exterior expectations with the hope that they’ll lastly have time to concentrate on themselves later.

It sounds logical, however it often backfires.

As a result of Obligers truly thrive with some type of exterior accountability.

So the important thing isn’t to get rid of expectations. It’s to curate them.

Listed below are a number of counterintuitive questions I prefer to ask to do exactly that:

What are the advantages of NOT transferring in direction of objective X proper now?

And what are the implications of constant to maneuver in direction of it?

By reversing the previous “professional/con” checklist, we will get a variety of readability on what feels good to you!

Massive image takeaway

Motivation and accountability aren’t one-size-fits-all.

Understanding your “tendency” offers you a brand new lens – and utilizing instruments particular to your wants will increase your possibilities of success within the long-run.

If you wish to see the place you land, you’ll be able to take the free quiz from Gretchen right here -> ​https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/​

Let me know which tendency you get! (I’m a Questioner! 🙋‍♂️)

-Matt

P.S. Enjoyable reality: ~60% of the folks we work with at Nerd Health Teaching determine as Obligers. Everybody’s wants are completely different, which is why we design teaching round you, not generic motivation hacks. If that sounds just like the sort of construction you’ve been lacking, I’d love to speak to you. Simply hit reply to this electronic mail. ❤️